Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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