I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
