I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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