I will die if light touches me.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize