i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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