I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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