you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
