they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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