She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
