Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My liver just broke up with me...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
