No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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