man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
