No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
