They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
