I wish I could teleport
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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