I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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