please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
