It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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