Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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