I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
