apparently the secret to your success is patron
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
