apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
