so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
