dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
