; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
