yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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