The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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