i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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