i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
