i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
