So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize