I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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