Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
