I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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