By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
