you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
