I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize