I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize