well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
