Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize