I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
