Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
