Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
