i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
