Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
