Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
