She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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