WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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