i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
