dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
