I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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