no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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