the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
