My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just gargled with NyQuil
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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