my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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