Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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