OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
