Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
