what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
