I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
