Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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