So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
