dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
