just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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