Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize