Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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