Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
