I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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