She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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