Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
