is your mom at the bar?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
