And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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