Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
