my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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