Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
