just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
