Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
